Check Four

Driving used to have criteria, things that you had to do before embarking on a journey. There were special clothes to wear, equipment you needed to keep in your boot, sweets you needed in the glove box: there were gloves. It was also a time when men were expected to be useful, and so a series of mechanical checks were expected to be made before every trip. Now people just jump in and piss off at high speed in the same casual way that they might sit on a chair, or a toilet.

So, next time you need to use the car, humour me. Check the lights; check the steering; check the tyres; check the brakes; put on your car coat and pull on your driving gloves. When you've done all these things, light your pipe, make a hand signal and set off. The drive-thru KFC will still be there in a few seconds time.

You Can't Argue With A Car

All I can say is 'oof'. The rest is your lookout.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter and, if you are a crash test egg, please remember to take the proper precautions.

Hard Hitting

It's Edward Judd again, this time in a familiar Public Information Film about killing motorcyclists. Sorry, about not killing motorcyclists. Look at the way he pushes his sleeves up at the start: he means business.

Remember...

The soundtrack to watching telly in the 70s was a series of sickening thuds...

Cockhead

Alvin Stardust takes time off from his declining pop career to dish out road safety advice. He always reminds me of the family friend who you avoid at a party, not because he's creepy, but because he's just so full of shit.

The Onomatopoeia of Death

Captions from 'Don't Just Be A Clunker'.

Don't Just Be A Clunker

'Clunk-Click' (shut the car door; put in your seat belt) was the road safety message for motorists in the 1970s. Here we see the graphic results of only following half the instructions.