F*** Me, It's Freddie!

FMIF as Philip Proudfoot in 'Otley' (1968).

We've actually done this film before, but it is well worth revisiting, especially with facial expressions this good. Freddie plays what is called in olden days parlance 'a flaming homosexual', i.e. he isn't scared of what you think of his sexuality. He's also quite a dandy, and at the centre of the intrigue, like a camp mod spider. It's a broad performance, but it works - after all, as you can see from the second screen shot, Freddie has his tongue firmly in its cheek.

F*** Me, It's Freddie!

FMIF as Harry Field's Dad in 'Who Killed Harry Field?', a 1991 episode of 'Inspector Morse'. If you're wondering who did kill Harry Field, you'll have to watch the show, but, believe me, he definitely had it coming.  Freddie gives a great performance, by the way, but then that's Freddie's stock in trade, isn't it? He's a great hero of mine, and it feels good to be paying tribute to him again.

F*** Me, It's Freddie!

FMIF as Detective Superintendent Clegg in a 1977 episode of testosterone and bullshit fuelled Patrick Mower vehicle 'Target'. His character is less than impressed to find out that Hackett (Mower) has been using his abnormally flared nostrils to sniff around Clegg's attractive daughter (Pamela Stephenson) and decides to take action. 

Freddie being Freddie, however, he manages to fit in a cup of tea before nailing Hackett's balls to the station wall.

F*** Me, It's Freddie!

FMIF as Mr. Rockbottom in the otherwise woeful 'Never Too Young To Rock'. At least he looks like he's enjoying himself, love him.

Never Too Young To Rock

How can one describe ‘Never Too Young To Rock’ without using the term ‘rubbish’? Actually, let’s just get it out of the way: it’s rubbish. That said, it’s not offensive, just shoddy and cheap and scruffy and worn out, the perfect snapshot of Britain in 1975, in fact.

For all that, the story is set in the near future, and provides a dystopian vision of a world that looks and feels and smells exactly the same apart from the fact that pop music is now banned. One man (Peter Denyer: thick gypsy Dennis out of ‘Please Sir!’; nerdish Ralph from ‘Dear John’) wants to challenge this, and so sets out in a ‘group detector van’ to locate bands for a concert that will prove to the powers that be that they are wrong and that pop is mindless fun. Yes, you’re right, it’s ‘It’s Trad, Dad!’ with moonboots on.

Interestingly, the detector van is driven by Freddie Jones - yep, our Freddie Jones. I honestly don’t know what his character represents, but he has a fair amount of fun with the role and it’s nice to see him enjoying himself under what must have been difficult circumstances for him. 

As you might have already guessed, the film exists purely as a way to present lots of performances from the country’s most popular groups (or at least the most popular groups who would agree to appear in something like this) so we get Mud, The Rubettes, The Glitter Band and Bob Kerr’s Whoopee Band (no, me neither, but they're in 'Side By Side' as well). With the exception of the up and coming Midge Ure fronted Slik (who immediately came and went), these are old lag’s bands, made up of men who had been knocking about the music scene since the sixties and finally found success in a period where standards weren’t quite so high. Mud are an undemanding but likeable enough group, for instance, but three of them look like a plasterers on their way to a Bill Haley concert (the fourth, Rob Davis, takes gender bending to a level Bowie could only dream of); The Glitter Band, no doubt traumatised by what they have seen while on the road with The Leader, just look indescribably weary, and all the Bacofoil and mascara in the world can’t disguise their exhaustion and disgust as they unconvincingly pump their fists to one of their repetitive and clumsy hits. These are the damned.  

The finale, in which all the groups unite after a triumphant concert to sing a simplistic ditty (about never being too young to rock) is just awful in its arms around shoulders, leg kicking bonhomie, and, much like the end of ‘Side By Side’ shows just how old fashioned these glittery hipsters are. Tatty, tacky, and best tolerated in the company of friends and a crate, no, two crates, of Bass.  

If you wish to do that now, by the way, you can watch the whole thing on You Tube here. Good luck, especially as the person who put it there seems to be the world's biggest Gary Glitter fan.

F*** Me, It's Freddie!

FMIF as Sweeney Todd in an episode of Thames TV's 'Mystery and Imagination' from 1970. One of Mr. Jones' few starring roles, we will return to this in the future, when we will be all over it.

F*** Me, It's Freddie!

FMIF as an inmate of the Charleton asylum in 'Marat / Sade'. Look at his face: he's having the time of his life. God, I love him. Stay safe, Freddie. 

F*** Me, It's Freddie!

FMIF as a twitchy but immaculately dressed reporter in 'Assault' (1971).

Thanks to the legendary Freddie Jones for holding the fort. We'll be back open for business tomorrow. See you then.

F*** Me, It's Freddie!

FMIF as George Kovich in David Lynch's 'Wild at Heart'(1992). it's a brief role, but a memorable one, especially as he talks like Donald Duck throughout. Good old Freddie.

F*** Me, It's Freddie!

FMIF as tweedy terrorist / embittered nutter Sidney Buckland in Richard Lester's bombs on a cruise ship thriller 'Juggernaut' (1974).

F*** Me, It's Freddie!

FMIF as the pensive Dr. Charles Logan in 'Journey To Where', a 1976 episode of 'Space 1999'. no, that's not the late Pat Butcher with him, it's Isla Blair - no big earrings, see.

F*** Me, It's Freddie!

FMIF as Claudius in the quite brilliant TV series 'The Caesars' (1968). Freddie is superb in this, and deservedly won 'The World's Best TV Actor' award for the role at the 1969 Cannes Film Festival.

F***, It's Freddie!

FMIF as the hairy and mystical Ynir in Saturday afternoon TV favourite 'Krull' (1983).

F*** Me, It's Freddie!

FMIF as runaway mob book keeper Dobson in a 1978 episode of 'Hazell' called 'Hazell Settles The Accounts'.   

F*** Me, It's Freddie!

FMIF as Sir George Uproar in the melancholy 'The Ghosts Of Motley Hall' (1976-1978), a sort of Rent-A-Ghost scripted by Ibsen.

F*** Me, It's Freddie!

FMIF as Mr. Quirly in a 1971 episode of 'Jason King'. Note how tall Freddie is (Peter Wyngarde is five foot ten, and he's not all hunched up like Freddie), and how cool they both are in their very different ways.

F*** Me, It's Freddie!

FMIF as Man In Bell's Office, 'Accident' (1967).

F*** Me, It's Freddie!

FMIF as Peter in 'Cheers!', an episode of 'The Galton & Simpson Playhouse' from 1977.

In the absence of significant others, middle aged bachelors and house mates Peter and Charles share a fairly unspectacular but steady life with each other - until Peter announces he's geting married on Saturday. Clever, amusing rather than funny, it's hard to see how this would have ever have got a series but, as a one off, and with Freddie and Charles Gray, it's a very worthy way to spend half an hour.

F*** Me, It's Freddie!

FMIF as Professor Richter, or rather Doctor Brandt in Professor Richter's body in the excellent  'Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed'.

Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed