Little Girl Lost

No sinister music or sickly shadows, no creepy raincoats or lost shoes, just a sensible, straightforward, non-terrifying film for little kids about what to do if they should happen to find themselves lost.  Originally a segment of long-running but largely forgotten ITV show 'Mr. Trimble', it was nice to watch something with a happy ending for once.

No Expense Spent

Some charming behind the scenes footage from the production of 'Death To The Daleks'. They absolutely infuriate me but, my God, I love the BBC.

A Nice Little Gurner

One of the most enjoyable facets of Jon Pertwee's four year stint as The Doctor was his great facility for pulling faces. 'Death To the Daleks' is no exception, even including a custom built gurning sequence at the end of episode four, as the living city of the Exxilons uses a throbbing noise and some fairy lights to try and trigger insanity in unwelcome visitors. Doesn't work, of course, nothing drives Dr. Who mad - except when Sarah Jane uses his razor on her legs.

Dr. Who: Death To The Daleks

I distinctly remember watching ‘Death To The Daleks’ when it was first broadcast in early 1974. I was nearly six. Then, I thought it was probably the most exciting thing I’d ever seen: it had Daleks, a lot of action and a sequence that put the Doctor in mortal peril if he couldn’t solve a series of mind numbingly difficult puzzles. I loved it, and thought and thought about every detail so I wouldn’t forget it before the Target book came out.

Having recently re-watched it I’m sorry to say that it looks tired and cheap, although it is still surprisingly violent. Elements like the predatory cyber serpent / hoover attachment that terrified me first time around now made me chuckle, and the complex tests of intellect were revealed as souped up playground games. Time can shatter illusions, of course, but not affection: I still love Dr. Who, and I always will, no matter how often the incredible, exciting, fantastic show I was so enthralled by as a kid is revealed as slightly silly and cobbled together. I’m British, damn it, what else would I expect?

The Zoo Gang

'The Zoo Gang' is an ITC action series that ran for six one hour episodes in 1974. It had an illustrious cast, a decent premise (WW2 undercover agents join up in the present day to fight crime) and a positive message about older people still being able to boot arse and carry off floral shirts. Best of all, it had a cracking theme tune from that underrated duo Paul and Linda McCartney.

Before It Destroys Us

'It!' is a film from Herbert J Leder, the fellow who brought us ‘The Frozen Dead’. Like that film it has a knock out premise, but fails to fully deliver, although it provides a great source of entertainment along the way.

It! is basically a retelling of The Golem story. The Golem, if you recall, was a hugely strong, unstoppable man made magical monster built to protect the Jews of Prague. Sadly, his awesome power was misused and he had to be destroyed. I’m recounting it like it actually happened but, of course, it’s just a story.

In this update, the Golem is a pretty scary wooden sculpture which, having survived a warehouse fire without a singe mark comes to the attention of neurotic and downtrodden Roddy McDowall, who begins to use it to get to settle scores and get his own way.  It’s a bad move that can only end in a nuclear explosion, but then Roddy is already as mad as a hatter, given that he keeps his mothers dessicated corpse in a rocking chair and steals jewellery from the museum he works in to dress her up in.

Irritatingly, the film is shot at a pedestrian pace until it gets to the finale, at which point a lot of corners are cut at breakneck speed to provide us with a suitable ending. More urgency and some editing throughout could have given us a far more streamlined and exciting film but, nevertheless, it’s an interesting and unusual work enlivened by Roddy McDowall at his twitchiest and pretty Jill Haworth at her prettiest.

As a final note, I love these mock up newspapers that appear in the film. Great headlines, but they've forgotten to link them to any content.

Same here with this little lot. I wonder if the Government ever took that decision on development?

It!

Mary, Deer

We don't post much new music here on The Island, but that doesn't mean we don't listen to it. Mary Epworth is primarily a folk artist, but specialises in connecting to an especially creepy, occasionally Black Sabbath infused ancient weirdness  - less finger in the ear, more Hand Of Glory.

Trapped In Wax

Remember Den & Angie Watts? Louis Tussaud's does. And Cannon & Ball, Barry Manilow, Adam Ant, Terry Wogan and the black Michael Jackson. Nobody ever dies here.

Beasts: What Big Eyes

‘What Big Eyes’ was the penultimate episode of the superb Nigel Kneale written series ‘Beasts’, and was originally shown on 13^th November, 1976.

A young Michael Kitchen plays an idealistic RSPCA inspector who discovers a mad scientist (Patrick Magee) who conducts inhumane experiments on wolves, believing them to be mankind’s true ancestors. The scientist’s goal is to become a lycanthrope and, although his work will eventually kill him, he is convinced that, on death, he will turn into a werewolf.

A slow burning episode with a subtle but subliminally shocking denouement, ‘What Big Eyes’ is perhaps the lowest key episode of the series, a subtle psychological drama totally dominated by a wild eyed performance from the reliably out there Patrick Magee. Magee was one of the most incredibly intense actors to ever grace stage and screen, his performances are often almost incoherently angry. He died from a massive heart attack at the age of 60: I’m surprised his ticker actually held out that long.

Valerie Leon, Camping Assistant

Valerie Leon tussles in a tent with confirmed bachelor Charles Hawtrey in her role as Miss Dobbin in 'Carry on Camping'. Astoundingly, I think she's supposed to be attracted to him.

The Day The Screaming Stopped

‘The Comeback’ is not Pete Walker’s finest hour and a half, but it showcases many of his remarkable talents, including the gleeful desire to occasionally go too far. In fact, if the film has a main failing, it’s that it doesn’t go far enough often enough and, for the most part, is rather slow moving and uneventful.

Real life crooner Jack Jones plays an American pop star called Nick Cooper who, after a six year break from the music industry and a messy divorce, is making a comeback. What Nick doesn’t know is that his ex-wife has been brutally murdered and is currently laying sprawled over the stairs in the penthouse flat they shared. Walker periodically returns to the body so we can see how it is decomposing until, at the fly and rat stage, someone cuts the head off and puts it in a box and wraps a bow around it. It’s pretty nasty, but very effective.

Nick is struggling with his album, with nightmares, with horrible  hallucinations and nubile Pamela Stephenson. He’s either going mad, or someone is trying to drive him crazy. But which is it? Well, it’s the former. And who is it? His tranny manager? His sleazy roadie? Sexy Pamela? Nutty old housekeeper Sheila Keith and schizo gardener husband Bill ‘Compo’ Owen? If you’ve ever watched a Pete Walker film, you’ll have your suspicions. Whoever it is has a real grudge against his particular brand of ‘lascivious, gyratory’ music, even though we’ve only heard anodyne MOR from him. Oh well. It takes all sorts to dress up like an old woman and go around butchering people with a scythe, doesn’t it?

Occasionally dull, mostly entertaining, sometimes unpleasant, ‘The Comeback’ is not quite mad enough to be a counter classic, but is recommended, nonetheless. Pete Walker rocks!

The Comeback

Trapped In Wax

A jaundiced looking Sweeney Todd makes some more pie filling. Throat slitting fun at Louis Tussaud's.

The Many Moods of Jason King

30/30

Faces Of The Sweeney

Richard Wilson.

Beasts: Baby

'Baby' is the fourth episode of Nigel Kneale's 1976 ITV series 'Beasts'. I also think it's the best.

When a young married couple move into an old cottage they are surprised to find a sealed pot in the chimney breast containing, well, no-one can really tell, not even the husband who is a vet. They both agree it's pretty horrible, though, especially the pregnant wife, who feels it is something unspeakably evil that must be destroyed.

Local yokels working on the cottage fill in the details: it's a witches familiar, a nasty creature conjured up by black magic - and it needs getting rid of, fast, before its owner comes to collect it...

The creepiest episode in the series, it does what Kneale does best: slowly and surely building tension and foreboding before providing a terrifying and chilling denouement. The first time I saw this I actually had to turn the light on before I went to bed. Luckily, when I did, there was nothing being suckled in the corner of the room.