As you might guess from the poster, ‘I Don’t Want To Be Born’ is ridiculous.
It’s never explained quite what Samson’s credentials are to make such a statement, but it works, and soon Joan is giving birth to a 12lb baby who proceeds to scratch, bite, punch and head butt any adult stupid enough to look into its cot, before moving on to murder. Luckily there’s a nun in the family who is able to exorcise the unholy tot, but she’s too late to save the rest of the cast, who have been drowned, hanged, decapitated and stabbed with scissors en route.
The notion that a new born baby could beat and murder the adults who care for it is an interesting one: I mean, okay, even if it was possessed by the Devil and able to draw upon unnatural strength, what about the co-ordination and manual dexterity needed to, say, make a noose, sling it over a branch and hang an adult with it? I know babies, and they’re just far too floppy for all that. Even Damien didn’t start causing real problems until he was a toddler. So, yes, it’s ridiculous. Actually, it’s fucking ridiculous. I love it