It's A Small World

The Model Village,

Westcliff,

Ramsgate,

Kent.

Oi, kid! That’s someone’s house, someone’s life. They might be in the bath, or on the toilet. But the kid doesn’t care, he’s come to stare, and stare is what he will do, the big faced bastard.

It's A Small World

Town Centre,
Model Village,
Babbacombe,
Torquay

I really like this high, wide shot showing the real life, full size human beings traipsing about. It gives you a very clear idea of the scale of the village (pretty big) and, if you are amused by that sort of thing, the lady right at the front looks like she's topless.

It's A Small World

The Model Village,

West Cliff, 

Ramsgate, 

Kent.

It's all very picturesque, but I wouldn't want to live in the shadow of trees that big. Until I noticed his companion, I thought the blond haired chap was alone and just staring blankly into space, which would have made for a much more interesting picture. I'm surprised the little neighbours haven't got on to the little council about that little blue house or warehouse or whatever it is on the quayside. It's a bloody eyesore.   

It's A Small World

Minidale Model Village,

Hornsea Pottery Leisure Park,

Edenfield, East Riding of Yorkshire.

The world's smallest hunting party get ready to set off. Is it just me, or does the presence of a black couple in the proximity of the toffs and their pack of dogs fill you with unease? You know what bastards these secluded country squires can be.

On the plus side: beer delivery! 

It's A Small World

The Miniature Village,

Eastbourne,

Sussex.

Fairly standard fare, but nicely done and very pretty on a nice day, I expect. I'd estimate the population at around 150, so why they need three churches is anyone's business. Probably a denominational thing: one's C of E, one R.C and one National Progressive Spiritualist.   

A Sense Of Proportion

More from the marvellous 'Stone Into Steel', with a selection of shots designed to put across the sheer scale of the operation in sunny Scunny, and the relatively few and infinitely tiny human beings needed to keep it all going. 

It's A Big Small World

Panorama.

The Village Green and Church.

Merritown Shopping Centre.

Indoor Model Railway.

We've my friend Dolly Dolly to thank for this deluxe Great Yarmouth Model Village bumper bonanza, as he was kind enough to send me these treasures a while back. As you will recall, the village is called Merivale, one of the great Modernist evocations of the land of lost content (second only to the Festival of Britain's imaginary town of 'Avoncaster') and is, as you can see, a work of absolute genius. As it says in the souvenir and mini-guide:

'All in all, nothing has been omitted from this Lilliputian land of make believe; it is the most authentic and realistic of models which delights young and old alike'.

I wish I were there now, and three inches tall.

It's A Small World

Bungalow Estate,
Model Village,
Southport

Two young punks lap up the incredible wonder of some massive model bungalows that dwarf a nearby rail suspension bridge. It's all to cock, innit? Tsk.

It's A Small World

The Aerodrome,

The Model Village. Westcliff Lodge,

Ramsgate, Kent.

It's all very 30's at the art deco aerodrome, including the health and safety standards which allow passengers to simply ramble over to the nearest airliner and clamber on, probably clutching lit cigarettes and half empty bottles of Beefeater Gin. I like the jet in the foreground being armed by the two mechanics in overalls. It's clearly on standby to protect the village against the little kid in the background currently deciding whether to look, touch or utterly destroy. 

It's A Small World

The Model Village,

West Cliff,

Ramsgate,

Kent.

There's something quite poignant about this image: the little girl (who has hopped the fence, I should point out) looks down sadly on an event that she would dearly like to attend but, if she did, would just end up trashing the place with her great clonking feet, like a Home Counties Gojira in Start Rite sandals. The little model people try and ignore her, hoping desperately that she'll go away and menace the High Street or the water mill instead.

Ramsgate Model Village opened in 1953, and closed for good fifty years later, which is rubbish, but more or less exactly would you expect from a crappy year like 2003.

It's A Small World

Modern Town Centre,

Model Village, Babbacombe,

Torquay,

Devon.

I love the message on this postcard, especially the very British way that even a child feels compelled to use the limited space he has to write about the weather even though he's seen The Banana Splits bus and is dying to tell his mate about it. I also like the two different spellings of 'Banana Splits', both wrong. Is it just me, though, or does the Red Arrows bit sound a little bullshitty? Like someone who tells you he once shagged one of Legs and Co, oh, yeah, and her out of Blondie.  

It's A Small World

Some postcards of the model village at Bourton on the Water, Gloucester, an exact 1/9^th scale replica of the real village of Bourton on the Water. The model gets full marks for verisimilitude, but a ‘must try harder’ in terms of imagination.

Why copy conventional brown and grey structures when you can use the same skills to create an exciting Utopia full of colour and fairs and bits that move?  Even the most innovative element, the slightly mind boggling village’s model village’s model village, is disappointing - merely a smaller and even less exciting version of something already small and undistinguished.  It’s all a bit boring, I’m afraid.

It's A Small World

Fred Slaymakers Wonder Village,
Wannock Gardens,
Polegate, Sussex.

Good to see the Creator at the centre (and a bit off to the top left, respectively) of his own little Universe.In Sussex, God wears a beret. Fred Slaymaker spent ten years building the village out of concrete and rubbish: it includes coal scuttles, bin lids, tea trays, ashtrays, corks, bottle tops and bits of bike. So when does a model village become Outsider Art?'. I suppose the first time someone looks at a discarded cigar tube and thinks 'that would make a nice miniature chimney'.

I noticed that Fred included a travelling fair in his vision although, of course, it doesn't travel anywhere. The fair is a recurring feature in these tiny idealised towns: all the fun, permanently.

It's A Small World

Town Centre, Model Village

Promenade, Southport and Babbacombe, Torquay

This model village is apparently in two places at once, which is good in some ways, but perhaps means that they are machine tooled rather than the handiwork of a one off man mental with unlimited money and leisure time, which slightly goes against the grain. Here ancient meets modern on a bonkers red plastic road that looks like a series of horrific accidents waiting to happen. Caution tiny motorists, if you slide off and hit the verge there's a twenty foot drop to contend with. 

It's A Small World

The Model Village,

West Cliff, Ramsgate,

Dorset.

It's all a bit wonky and olde worlde, but absolutely marvellous. No wonder the kids are so enthralled. The model village opened in 1953 but closed fifty years later due to falling visitor numbers and persistent vandalism by twats. Happily, many of the buildings and figures were relocated to other model villages, including Bekonscot and Merrivale in Great Yarmouth.

It's A Small World

The Farm House,
Little Britain Model Village,
Weston-Super-Mare,
Somerset.

'Little Britain' was opened in June, 1962. This postcard hardly does it justice, however, as, to my knowledge there is no farm house in Britain, little or otherwise, that backs on to an enormously high creosoted fence. Come on, Somerset people, this is fundamental stuff!

It's A Small World

Cricket Green, Grantley Arms, Blacksmith and St Theresa's Church

Bekonscot Model Village

Beaconsfield

Some giant people enjoy a day out at the original model village, Bekonscot in Buckinghamshire. I like the close family grouping, their benevolent interest, Dad’s moustache and the little boys outfit, a melange of chocolate textures.  

Scout Camp and Lake,

Bekonscot Model Village,

Beaconsfield.

Another idyllic, idealised scene Bekonscot. Looks great, doesn't it? They'll have a fire later, and some Horlicks and a singalong. That said, having been in the Scouts, we would never have pitched our tent so close to the water's edge, and we were Sea Scouts with sailor hats and everything.

It's A Small World

I wonder how welcome those little gypsies would be in the real world?



Tiny little wedding. It won't last.

The safest street in Great Yarmouth. 

Merrivale Model Village,

Marine Parade

Great Yarmouth,

Norfolk.

Merrivale (fantastic mid-century name) is a thriving model village on Great Yarmouth's marvellous 'golden mile' of sea front amusement, entertainment, sea food and cheap tat. It was the first model village I ever visited. As a child, my favourite non-Dr. Who book was 'Gullivers Travels', so a trip to Merrivale always felt especially exciting, even more so after I saw my first 'Godzilla' film.

God bless Merrivale!

It's A Small World

Town Centre Shops
Model Village
Great Yarmouth.

Oh, I also love postcards of Model Villages, so I thought I'd share some of them with you.

There are two basic types: the type that provide a close up so it takes you a moment to realise that you're looking at a scale model, and the type with people in it providing a sense of proportion. I think I like the second type best, they are full of strange possibilities. Here an enormous boy points as two little people seemingly cower against a shop window.