Interesting Postcards

The Royal Family,

Madam Tussauds,

London.

Judging from the presence of Captain Mark Phillips and Fergie, this tableau dates somewhere between 1986 and 1992. For me, the key note is that the likenesses aren't particularly good, especially The Queen and Prince Philip who, after all, had been around long enough to get right. My beloved Louis Tussauds in Great Yarmouth managed a similar effect on much less money. 

In a huge Island of Terror coup, we have managed to track down a copy of the very same postcard that, up until 2002 (when he lost it on the night bus) was in the possession of Prince Edward. 

World Of Wax

 

More from the 'World Of Wax'. This figure of Queen Elizabeth I is so realistic it even mirrors her habit of only having a good wash every few months.

Interesting Postcards

Madame Tussauds Store Room,

Wookey Hole,

Wells,

Somerset.

I worked out a long time that the Wookey Hole is the most hauntological place in Britain. My evidence: an ancient cave network, used by man for 50,000 years, frequented by witches, haunted by unquiet spirits, the scene of several deaths, location for Blakes 7 and Dr. Who (and a Dr. Who exhibition), a tourist destination for hundreds of years and, for Christ's sake, Madam Tussaud's used to send their cast offs there. 

I went there in 1979 and stood amazed in front of the seemingly endless display of old heads. I was already obsessed with waxworks, so this was a revelation. For some reason, the only one I can remember now is murderer Charlie Peace, mainly because my Granddad used to compare me to him when I misbehaved. The rest is a happy blur of incredulity.

If anyone can give me some more information about 'M.Smith' I would be very grateful. He's the fellow in the middle who looks a bit like Danny La Rue, and I have absolutely no idea who he is and that really bothers me.   

World Of Wax

More from the wacky 'World Of Wax'. Here, a redundant model is melted down. There's something unspeakably awful about its slow dissolution, especially as it is so realistic. I don't know who the model is, but I would guess at him being the leader of a fifties Communist country,  perhaps one who ended up being deposed and murdered, maybe beheaded and melted down. It would be chilling, if it obviously wasn't at such a high temperature, and the heads impassive expression throughout adds an extra layer of horror.    

Building A Human

We've (alright, I've) already had some fun with World Of Wax, but here's some next level shit from Peter Serafinowicz and Robert Popper.

It kind of, sort of pisses on my pommes frites in terms of the other posts I had planned but, you know what, it tastes like vinegar. On the pissy chips, I mean. I love it.

World of Wax

Another expedition to the World of Wax, this time stopping to squint at the Literary Giants section. They're all British, of course. If you can't write in English, mate, we can't read it. I'm joking, these are pretty big names, regardless of nationality.

Bill Shakespeare wasn't around to sit for the modellers, so this figure is based on Maurice Gibb.

H.G Wells did have slightly protuberant eyes, but they weren't dead and psychotic like these. Or made of glass, of course, perhaps that's it.

Charles Dickens. If this had been the real Dickens, that blank paper would have been a book by now.  

J.M Barrie has the harrassed look of a man on trial. He also looks like a turn of the century poisoner, which doesn't help. Great Ormond Street are grateful to him, though, and so should we be.

Finally, George Bernard Shaw. Shaw died in 1950 at the age of 94 from injuries received after falling off a ladder.

If there are any hair colour bullies reading this, please note that four out of five of our greatest writers were ginger, so pack it in.

World of Wax

In 1962, the wonderful Harold Baim made a short film called 'World of Wax'. The film mainly focuses on Madam Tussauds, with particular reference to a new addition, a wax model of Stirling Moss.

Don Thompson*; Stirling; Kenneth More.

Regular readers will know I have a bit of a thing for waxworks. In particular, I have a bit of a thing for old waxworks and, specifically, past models. It absolutely fascinates me to know who was once famous enough to have an effigy made of them; I find it equally interesting to see models I don't recognise or know are no longer in place. The removal of a waxwork version of yourself must be a fairly devastating blow to the ego, I expect, especially if they melt you down because they're sure you're never coming back.

So, a few glimpses at who was in vogue in 1962. Let's start with perhaps the most ephemeral of all types of exhibit - the showbusiness models.

Here's the lad 'imself, one of the greatest comics Britain has ever produced, Anthony Hancock. By rights, he should still be there. Anyone up for a petition?

Pre Poppins, pre Maria, Julie Andrews is featured because of her stage fame in 'My Fair Lady'.

An interesting tableau. I get Tommy Steele, Leslie Caron in the centre, Bob Hope to the right. I have absolutely no idea who the man filling his pipe is, and the ginger fellow in the corner is actually quite creepy. Any ideas on the second left?

Peter Sellers, looking as difficult and pompous in image as he apparently was in real life. Fab Di Dors to his left, five years before appearing on the front of a Beatles album, you know, the famous one about condiments and the army.

Apparently, it's Harry Secombe. This series will run and run.

* Don Thompson was the only British male athlete to win a gold medal at the 1960 Olympics in Rome, for the 50km walk. 

Interesting Postcards

Crocodile in Jungle tableau,

Louis Tussaud's Waxworks,

Blackpool, Lancashire.

More jungle peril, with Gabrielle Drake seeming to be in some Captain Scarlet end credit type trouble here. I mean crocodiles are bad enough without having super long jaws on a hinge. The 'tableau' looks like something I would have drawn when I was about six.

Louis Tussaud's in Blackpool has no connection with the smaller and less flashy Louis Tussaud's in Great Yarmouth, by the way, despite sharing a name and similar issues with execution.

Trapped In Wax

Posh & Becks, as seen through the damaged eyes and critical faculties of Louis Tussaud's.

Trapped In Wax

Remember Den & Angie Watts? Louis Tussaud's does. And Cannon & Ball, Barry Manilow, Adam Ant, Terry Wogan and the black Michael Jackson. Nobody ever dies here.

Trapped In Wax

A jaundiced looking Sweeney Todd makes some more pie filling. Throat slitting fun at Louis Tussaud's.

Trapped In Wax

Peter Sutcliffe, The Yorkshire Ripper, perennially on the prowl at Louis Tussaud's.

Trapped In Wax

Oh Christ! It's Kylie and fucking Jason, as immortalised at Louis Tussaud's. There's something very wrong with Miss Minogue's arms, and things seem a bit frosty between them, but at least they've still got their reproduction print of 'Flatford Mill', their artificial flowers and a shit load of denim.

Trapped In Wax

'The Exorcism', one of the exhibits in Louis Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors.

Trapped In Wax

The Gallery of Sporting Heroes: Yuri Gargarin (sportsman?); a pensive Steve Davis; a sinister Sir Francis Chichester; Barry Sheene & Eddie 'The Eagle' Edwards. More top quality waxen images from Louis Tussauds.

Trapped In Wax

Mamma Mia! It's Swedens greatest export, the fabulous Abba, as immortalised at Louis Tussaud's.

Trapped In Wax

A classic from the dark, dank cellar of Louis Tussaud's: Frankenstein's Monster. Note random head in background - I wonder who it used to be.

Trapped In Wax

Louis Tussaud's rarely gets new figures these days and, when it does, they tend to be rather slapdash. This is, apparently, HRH Prince William.

Trapped In Wax

The Holy Trinity of Louis Tussaud's: The Fonz, Elvis & Kojak.

Trapped In Wax

I've always been fascinated by waxworks. In fact, fascinated is too weak a word - I'm obsessed with them. My favourite is the first I ever went to, Louis Tussaud's in Great Yarmouth, Norfolk.

I first visited it when I was about five or six and it made an indelible impression on me. I've been back about thirty times over the years and I still love it - a constant in a turbulent world. It occasionally gets some negative, sneering publicity as the 'worst waxworks in Britain', but this is grossly unfair - yes, the displays are out of date, and some of the newer figures are poorly executed, but, for the most part, it's full of excellent likenesses - and it has a unique atmosphere, providing a snapshot of a popular entertainment / museum where you are just expected to gawp and be entertained, not get all interactive and educated. I love it to bits.

If I ever do and win the lottery, I shall buy the place and keep it open forever.

In this new feature, you'll get to meet some of the residents, starting with Steptoe & Son.